insider: 08/01/2007 - 09/01/2007

Thursday, August 30, 2007

wandering to the station this morning, on my way to work, it occurred to me that quite often i feel there ought to be more to life. i've just read oswald chambers' note for today which - for me - is a brilliant reminder that the relationship we have with God really is the most crucial thing. in a world that is so obsessed with usefulness and achievement it's a huge relief sometimes to come back to the truth that we are made to love God, tout simplement:

"Notwithstanding in this rejoice not . . . , but rather rejoice because your names are written in heaven." Luke 10:19, 20

Jesus Christ says, in effect, Don't rejoice in successful service, but rejoice because you are rightly related to Me. The snare in Christian work is to rejoice in successful service, to rejoice in the fact that God has used you. You never can measure what God will do through you if you are rightly related to Jesus Christ. Keep your relationship right with Him, then whatever circumstances you are in, and whoever you meet day by day, He is pouring rivers of living water through you, and it is of His mercy that He does not let you know it. When once you are rightly related to God by salvation and sanctification, remember that wherever you are, you are put there by God; and by the reaction of your life on the circumstances around you, you will fulfil God's purpose, as long as you keep in the light as God is in the light.

The tendency to-day is to put the emphasis on service. Beware of the people who make usefulness their ground of appeal. If you make usefulness the test, then Jesus Christ was the greatest failure that ever lived. The lodestar of the saint is God Himself, not estimated usefulness. It is the work that God does through us that counts, not what we do for Him. All that Our Lord heeds in a man's life is the relationship of worth to His Father. Jesus is bringing many sons to glory.

Monday, August 27, 2007

as if i needed reminding, saturday's adventure confirmed that paris is still officially my favourite place in the whole wide world. it started early: alarm at 4am, bus to waterloo at 4:20am and train at 5:30am. as difficult as i thought it was going to be, it turned out to be quite delightful to be rushing through london in the dark, past quiet streets and the odd late-nighter wandering home from the night before. there's nothing quite like hurtling down regent street and across the thames with the lights glittering, knowing you're off on an adventure. the train pulled out of london as the sun was coming up and i was too excited looking at sleepy streets and gardens swathed in mist to sleep.

once out of the gare du nord i resisted the temptation to shout "bonjour paris!" in the manner of audrey hepburn, deciding instead to walk to la madeleine where i had breakfast with the inimitable fp in a very elegant little cafe. from there we hopped on bikes (paris's latest brilliant idea - public bikes to rent) and cycled across the place de la concorde (closing one's eyes and cycling for your life is the best plan) and across the seine. had a lovely leisurely lunch near the rue de rivoli with the very lovely mb, at and nr. followed by more cycling, much laughter and very large ice-creams in the sun by saint-eustache. finally (to burn off the ice-cream) we cycled to the tuileries to enjoy the last of the sun. the day ended all too soon. i've already decided to go back.

am now listening to some very french music and planning more holidays...

Friday, August 24, 2007

there has been quite some cultural activity in the gill family of late. it started last week, with a friday night visit to the summer exhibition at the royal academy, followed by a very good dinner at my new favourite korean restaurant on golden square. true, it's the only korean restaurant i know in london, but it happens to be very good. miss ks and i went there for lunch yesterday. it's just that good. but back to the arts world. last wednesday was the gill/lock annual trip to the PROMS. we do it every summer, it always involves a large picnic in hyde park beforehand, and often involves a) eating too much and b) getting quite cold. this year was no exception - the food was excellent and (due to heavy and persistent rain) we were - i'm sure - the only family in the whole of london having a picnic for supper. but it added to the merriment and a good (if chilly) time was had by all. the concert (Mahler's Symphony No. 3 in D minor) was wonderful. this evening I might even round it all off with a quick trip to the BP Portrait Award at the National Portrait Gallery. I feel very culturally smug at the moment...

Thursday, August 16, 2007

listening to tom waits (the magnificent closing time, in case you're interested) and feeling slightly melancholy. lots of reasons, none of them valid. i'm lonely, truth be told. but it will pass. there should be something redemptive about loneliness - it should remind us, at the very least, that we need others, and that we're not made to live with too much isolation. still, it's hard to experience as anything positive. but i shall try. tom is singing about the moon which reminds me that i noticed it on my walk back from sainsbury's this evening - it was a beautifully thin sliver of a thing, hanging in an inky blue sky. it's amazing how the moon changes its appearance so frequently and yet we think so little of it.

all of this makes me think i should have something profound to say about the moon and its many faces. but i don't. all that occurs to me is that it's good (for me, at least) to remember that sometimes the best moments in life are simple appreciations of the little things, like noticing a beautiful moon on a quiet evening. and sometimes it takes a solitary moment to remind you to look around and, occasionally, up.

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

in a particularly cultured moment at lunchtime today i went to see belgravia gallery's current exhibition. impressive, huh? i thought so. i wanted to check out charlie mackesy's latest work - i love his paintings. i particularly liked his angel/musician series. and yes, it does sound cheesy but they are actually very beautiful. i must have been inspired on some level as i came home and got my guitar out this evening, for the first time in a long while. didn't make any beautiful music though. i guess my guardian angels just aren't gifted that way. just my luck.

it's now nearly bedtime but jg and i are listening to keziah jones (my favourite nigerian musician) and the rain outside. it feels like autumn. have i mentioned that?

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

not being one to chase after the more glamorous attractions of london on a tuesday night, i decided to go for a run around kilburn this evening. call it part of operation explore my neighbourhood. i made it over to kilburn high road, and then came back up west end lane. i love discovering new corners, even if it is in the rain. and i think sometimes my i-pod has a sense of humour: it played me sunshine, by matt costa, followed by a beautiful day by U2. but in a way it was beautiful - i've always loved running in the rain. it stops you looking so sweaty, for one thing. i think i also get a kick out of doing something my grandmother wouldn't approve of. i ran past one old lady and was sure i could read "you'll catch your death of cold" in her eyes as she looked up at me, disapprovingly.

still on the subject of the weather (i can make this last for hours...) it occurred to me again today how blessed we were with our little week under the sun in devon. and i remembered again how grateful i am for it, and how the sense of peace i came away with (the rediscovered conviction that i can trust God with all things) has stayed with me. which is surely something to be thankful for.

on a final note, speaking of things to be thankful for: i heard today that LH and TH have a new addition to their family, by the name of max. possibly the best piece of news i've had in months, and i'm so thrilled for them. can't wait to meet the little man...

a grey morning in london. the traffic is at a standstill outside and someone on the street below us is whistling jerusalem, of all things. all is quiet here.

Sunday, August 12, 2007

it's sunday night. my cuckoo clock is telling me it's 11pm and i should be in bed, or at the very least ironing monday's shirt, but i'm not. i'm trying to drag out the last few moments of the weekend, and playing that game that i always play when it gets late. it's that ongoing internal fight between 'evening me' and 'morning me'. evening me nearly always wins, and morning me always resents this when the alarm goes off. perhaps one day they'll settle their differences. but it won't be tonight.

it's been a lovely weekend. quiet in places, but very pleasant nonetheless. the highlight was a long wander around highgate yesterday, culminating in a coffee at the top of the hill, in highgate village. and just as i was beginning to feel as if i'd spent too much time by myself, i got a last minute invitation to dinner, which made the perfect ending to a summer saturday in the sun. it's nice to feel loved, after all...

Friday, August 10, 2007

it's a beautiful morning in london town. clear blue skies with only the tiniest hint of cloud, somewhere over regent st. i'm already excited about the weekend. and about the penguin classic i've signed up to read and review - i was hoping for pride & prejudice but i'm sure that buddhist scriptures will be just delightful.

Thursday, August 09, 2007

had coffee with jt at lunchtime, sitting on the steps of the royal academy. standing outside EAT earlier, waiting for him, a man in a turban walked past and told me i had a lucky face. i wonder what that means...

Wednesday, August 08, 2007

i have no idea why this is, but whenever i sign into blogger on this computer, everything is in german. i suppose it's handy, in a very minor kind of a way. i mean, i now know that 'preview' is 'vorshau' in german, so that's useful. i guess.

but on to more interesting things. i'm still thinking about that week under the sun in delightful east devon, and still armed with a much better attitude that jg predicted wouldn't last beyond breakfast on monday. so far so good. it was so wonderful to be away, to see the sea, stick my toes in the unbearably cold water and generally do all those things you have to do when on holiday in the south west (most of which involve food). we discovered the little town of beer, a short walk along the coastal path from seaton, and miss cs and i spent a couple of very good afternoons sitting reading (she - something edifying by rob bell; me - cosmo. she wins the prize for spiritual depth, but i now know "what men really want in bed"...). i also loved david ruis's teaching, and the time for much-needed reflection. even the giant seagulls were amusing (if somewhat scary).

still, back we are. and this week has already been quietly eventful, with an impromptu trip to lhr (terminal 3) on monday and a good run on HH last night that (ok) probably doesn't count as a real event, but was nice nonetheless. good sunset.

final thought for now: how is it possible that we are already into august? i know that beyond talking about the weather, this is doubtless the least original observation to make ever, but the year is flying by and i'm not ready for it to be nearly autumn. i'm sure there are goals, plans, things to be achieved before the year is out. so either things will have to slow down, or i'll have to speed up. and since i've never been good at affecting the passing of time i may well have to opt for the latter. it occurs to me that this might be achieved relatively easily by increasing my intake of coffee.

p.s. now trying to post this and wishing i could remember more of my a-level german. not sure whether to choose 'post veroffentlichen' or 'jetzt speichern'. darn it.

Saturday, August 04, 2007

p.s. what am i doing in on a saturday night? i'm listening to ben folds, rocking the suburbs, that's what. haven't listened to it in years and am remembering just how great it is. and i'm writing. or editing, at least. as jg pointed out earlier today, the nights are drawing in (well, it's true...) and it's dark outside. quiet too, for the weekend. the kids over at the pizza place opposite are busy, and the cars are streaming by with their headlights on. the only thing i can hear is the buses going by.

back from a week away with st. m's. the sun really did shine, and it was fun, and east devon is beautiful so i'd like to go back one day. i'm sad it's over in fact. highlights include, in no particular order:

- the very butlins-esque chalets (but at least i had one to myself...)

- the mostly awful food (source of much entertainment and only occasional depression)

- the 80's disco night (haven't laughed that much in a long time)

- the fantastic worship

- brilliant teaching from David Ruis & John Peters

- a large cream tea in a small cafe in Beer

- ice-creams on the beach

- pebbles

- sun

if it weren't for the food, i could have stayed another week. although i wasn't as brave as i should have been about meeting new people, it felt so good to spend a week in a large family, and to have so much space and time for prayer, reflection, worship, laughter. all the best things in life. i'm so thankful to be part of that kind of a church. i think it's given me a fresh sense of perspective, and i feel different - more hopeful and more confident that good plans are afoot.

insider