insider

well i've got my ticket to ride, and i'm leaving town tomorrow morning. as ever, it's hard to believe that my time here has passed me by, and that in a matter of hours i'll be back on what feels like the other side of the world, though it isn't. so much runs through my mind in these 'last nights' (and there have been so many of them) that it's difficult to make sense of it. i'm sad to be leaving so much behind, but thankful for the leaving inasmuch as it reminds me how much these friends and places here are valuable. i'm excited at the prospect of seeing ma, nh & vt all in 5 days, and of course the friends who are scattered there. i'm even the tiniest bit pleased at the idea of a new year, though it's strange - isn't it? - that the new year starts in the autumn, the season of endings (or 'of mists and mellow fruitfulness' perhaps...). i'm also incredibly grateful for all the unforgettable moments this summer has held, and pehaps that's the best approach to leaving. i suspect there will be more to be thankful for along the way.

posted by Joanna Ruth @ 9:29 PM

gosh... what a lot has happened since i last wrote. most importantly: k's visit, which was brief but sunny, action-packed but lovely. at least i hope it was. too much to list here, but activities included trips to london & oxford, walks in the country, beethoven at the royal albert hall and shakespeare at the globe theatre. oh, and not one but two cathedrals. so... more culture in 5 days than i usually fit into a year. the highlights were: lunch at the boot in sarratt (and the walk to get there) and meeting george, the cathedral watcher (something quite new to me) at st. alban's (probably in his 70s but full of information about the abbey & its history). oh, and a new addiction: health food in the style of dr gillian mckeith. i'm not sure how long it will last, but i can say that right now i'm snacking on brazil nuts. i miss chocolate muffins though...

brazil nuts aside, things in oxford are quiet today. the sun is once again shining, cars are buzzing past outside and i have no doubt that somewhere nearby there is a group of french schoolchildren in pointy hats on a harry potter tour.

posted by Joanna Ruth @ 10:57 AM

all kinds of countdowns are going on at the moment. for example: 3 hours until i can decently take a lunch break, 1 hour until i can have my morning cup of tea, 8 hours until coffee with miss lmb, who i haven't seen for about 5 years. also: 4 days until the return of the traveling parents, and 8 days until k arrives and the wonder tour of the southeast begins. very exciting, all that. it makes me wonder, however, (and this, i realise, is nothing profound, but then i haven't had my tea yet) what proportion of time we spend thinking about the passing of time. and were we able to stop ourselves in order to focus more fully on the present, would we in fact be happier, or is the happiness we derive from thinking about the future no less real? There is a brilliant section in The Screwtape Letters where Wormwood is warned to keep his 'patient' thinking either about the past or about the future. the present - according to Screwtape - is to be avoided. i realise this is about as banal a statement as one could possibly hope for on a tuesday morning, but it would be amazing to know why we are so drawn away from the present, and of course how to change that.

speaking of the past: i drove this morning through vast stretches of mist, as the road took me down towards the dip in which oxford is tucked away. at one point i passed a field of lavender, full of muted colours in the thick morning air. once again, i felt suddenly happy to be doing something as simple as driving to work, and i thought again how grateful i am for what i have here. perhaps this is living in the moment, however brief.

currently reading: gilead, by marilynne robinson
currently loving: stephen fretwell (for his music, you understand...)

posted by Joanna Ruth @ 9:40 AM